When we punish children by yelling, spanking, or taking privileges away, we stop misbehavior temporarily but we don’t teach them what to do instead.  They will repeat the same misbehavior which leads to frustration for us and them.

Consequences which are related to misbehavior teach children the rules of society.  Children will tend to accept or at least understand these rules which will lead to less power struggles and revenge.  When there are less power struggles, instruction can take place.

Natural consequences occur without parental involvement.  Examples include: if the child doesn’t eat their dinner, he will be hungry before bedtime; if a child goes out in the rain without a raincoat or boots, he will get wet.

However, some consequences are not safe for children to learn on their own.  In those instances parents need to create logical consequences.  It’s important to “separate the deed from the doer” by creating consequences that are related to misbehavior instead of making children suffer to learn the rules.  We can do this by asking ourselves, “What do I want my child to learn at this moment?”  If you want your child to learn to be responsible, you may choose not to run his forgotten homework up to school as you have in the past.  You may let your child learn from the logical consequence of receiving a lower grade by turning in their homework late.  If you want your child to learn not to run in the street, the logical consequences would allow them to play in a fenced backyard until they can understand the importance of staying safe near a busy street.  Spanking a two year old for running towards the street only teaches the child that the world is not safe to explore.  Finally, set limits but give choices within those limits.  For instance, “You can do your homework after school or after dinner, you decide.”  Feeling empowered to make choices and feeling respected helps to create an atmosphere of cooperation.